Stephen Prickett of Icharus Flight (based in London Ontario) emailed me to let me know that he wouldn't be able to come to the next Forge Workshop for obvious geographical reasons but if you would like to virtually critique his song, he would love your input on our site or on his myspace. You can listen to the demo at www.myspace.com/icharusflight, and as always here is the lyrics to the song:
Sweetly Fading for the Cause
your lips hold all of the drama
of leaves in thunder
of soil slipping through my fingers
salt water stinging
or ashes drifting
your love is all blood in the gutter
sweetly fading for the cause
or holding hands
storming the wall, screaming
till the bricks fall
but I want to feel the wind strong when I go
I wish to God it would rain and sieze my bones
to hold me for years, love me fierce
I want it to let me feel alone
and tear your words apart from my own
if you say I don't need her I'll say you're right
you say I don't want her, maybe you're right
say I'll never have her again, you can't lie
but to say I can't love her - well I haven't yet died
and I want to feel the wind strong when I go
I wish to God it would rain and sieze my bones
to hold me for years, love me fierce
I want it to let me feel alone
and tear your words apart from my own
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3 comments:
I liked the song and the bongos in the backround.This is a great site and I am going to link it to my site.
http://songwritingblog.blogspot.com/
Thanks for the visit, your site is nice too, I like pictures for each song.
Hi Stephen,
On spectrum of clarity/obscurity that I have mentioned elsewhere, this song is certainly off in the shadows of obscurity -- which for most people means "artsy", and they will take or leave the song on that account.
There are lots of images here, but I find the meaning of them gets mixed-up and muddled when you look closely at them (or are "picky" as some would say).
Let's start at the first stanza: "your lips hold all of the drama / of leaves in thunder". Leaves do not move because of thunder, but since "thunder" means an storm, we can assume "the drama of leaves in thunder", means trembling, shaking "leaves". The image then seems to convey that lover's lips are moving a lot like leaves in a storm -- but the word "hold" is one that suggest a stasis of movement, holding back or holding still. The next imagistic layer is: "your lips hold all of the drama/.../of soil slipping through my fingers." Now, is "soil slipping through fingers" dramatic? Perhaps, if someone has died and you are digging their grave, it is a dramatic scene. But usually it would be fingers slipping through the soil, since soil is not usually active, especially via slipping. And then how does this relate to lips? The link is through the "drama", but still the images of the lips and that of the soiled fingers don't seem to fit. And then suddenly we are at sea, "salt-water stinging" - though salt-water could be tears except that tears don't usually sting. On top of this is the image of ashes drifting. These images are held together (vaguely) by the fact that they are elemental, and there is perhaps a theme of death, "ashes" and "dirt".
Stephen if you would like to go beyond a mere impression of "artsiness" or poetry with your lyrics, I think there is lots of territory for you to explore. I quite like the line "to love me for years, love me fierce" -- nice half-rhyme between years and fierce, nice cadence between fierce love and enduring love. The "wind", the "thunder", the "rain" and "storming" -- perhaps you try honing the song around these images, and how they express failed/pining love? Of course, it is always up to your own artistic discretion, but I think it would be worthwhile to try rewriting this song as an exercise.
Thanks Stephen for offering yourself up to the fire of the Forge!
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