So here are a couple of songs I will be opening up for critique this Wednesday (Feb 13/08). I don't have them recorded yet so no MP3 links for you. If you want to hear some of my other songs you can check out my 2x the Mono myspace page.I'm currently in the middle of recording my Christmas album. The two songs I'm posting are the last ones left that I need to start recording. I'm a little unsure of a couple timing issues in both songs, so if you come out on Wednesday I'll play them for you and mabey I can hear some input on which version you think is the best.
Little Light Bulb
© Randell Neudorf
Christmas lights sparkle, In the night on the snow
All the passers by, Are warmed by their light
Twinkling like stars, In my daughters eyes
Teaching her to look, Up into the sky
Electric light, Filament
Shine long, shine bright, Shine into my heart
Little light bulb, Did you ever dream?
That you’d herald, A message fit for stars
The Things You Do
© Randell Neudorf
A virgin gives birth
Step dad’s dream comes true
Angels sing a song
For shepherd rabble
I don’t know how
I’m not always sure why
But I sure do like
To hear all about the things you do
Wise men seek a king
In a dirt poor town
Death comes like a plague
And a babe’s tucked away
I don’t know how
I’m not always sure why
But I sure do like
To hear all about the things you do
The next time you hear of a Miracle
Pass it along; I’d like to hear about it
My guess is that they happen all the time
I don’t know how
I’m not always sure why
But I sure do like
To hear all about the things you do…
1 comment:
Hi Randy,
I look forward to hearing these with music. Just a couple comments on the lyrics. I quite like the lyrics to Little Light Bulb -- a little bit cliche, but in way that seems to work. As I've written before, cliche (like formula or genre) is an important aspect of songwriting. Maybe incorporating some aspects Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star could be fun for this one, since there are lyrical echos. I'm sure Mozart would not mind. Although if he did, he might haunt with his freaky laugh.
In regards to "The Things You Do", the chorus seems to be too vague to be catchy. Often chorus are more general that verses as a way summing up, but this one seems to need something more. Maybe you should try characterize your persona, where you are makes you wonder at the Christmas; or express that wonder in oblique way -- "show" your listeners instead of "telling" them.
Thanks for filling in for me at the last workshop Randy -- I heard it went well.
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